We need to talk about your boys. No, there is no way around it. It's 2016 and not giving them a proper haircut is not an option. The 60's are long gone. Luckily, you've just discovered the ultimate guide to how to shave your junk. No need to look further, just read on.
I know, it could be scary putting a blade to your testicles. It was probably as scary as the first time you put a razor to your face but now you do it without thinking twice about it.
I'm not going to pretend I was never paranoid doing it. Of course I was. I wanted to get a smoothly shaved scrotum but, at the same time, I was paralised by the though that I might cut myself and even worse cut something off. The fear is real but the chances of you cutting anything off - not so much. Don't get me wrong, if you are not careful you could hurt yourself but to cause irreparable damage to your package is unlikely.
Just like anything, shaving your junk takes some technique and mastery. It took me quite a bit of trial and error to learn how to shave my balls. All this effort and pain, however, taught me a technique, which makes the process straightforward and even mildly enjoyable.
Before we get to the "how" of ball shaving, let's look at the "why".
Despite what the local perv is telling you, shaving your balls is not a necessity. Unless you earn your living as a porn star or a boy toy, chances are very few people will pay attention to your shaved scrotum.
If the argument of hygiene pops into your head, forget about it. Having bush down under doesn't make you any less cleaner or smellier than the guy with a fresh wax job in the groin. Not taking regular showers does.
Every time someone brings the argument that pubic hair contributes to bad hygiene I ask them this: what about the hair on my head? What about my beard? Should I shave them off too, so that I am even more hygienic.
Of course not. Maintaining good hygiene has to do with regular shower and proper washing routine, not with hair growth.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-shave. I do it myself and I encourage any guy who has any doubts about it to do it. The only good reason (and it is a really good reason) to shave your balls is aesthetics. Going bare makes your junk look bigger to those that matter. It also makes for a better presentation of your overall package.
You've heard horror stories where the guy drops his pants just to reveal an untrespassable jungle. Regardless of what stories you tell yourself, the reality is that not grooming your crotch is a turn-off. Besides cooling your partner's desires, ungroomed pubic hair gets in the way of some serious oral action. Believe it or not, most people prefer not to floss their teeth with your pubes.
Now that you know why you should do it, let's get to it.
How to Shave Your Balls
1. Deforest the Perimeter
If you haven't shaved your pubic hair in a while, it's a good idea to trip the hair with a body trimmer. Trying to shave the long hair with your razor would clog it and won't get you very far.
Using the shortest length trimmer attachment, try to cut short as much hair as possible, especially around the shaft of your penis and your scrotum. Take off as much hair as you can. At this stage it is okay if you leave some long hairs - you'll clean them up with the razor later.
The purpose of using a trimmer first is to get rid of the thick hair growth. Your razor if fully capable of dealing with random one or two long hairs.
Now that you have trimmed up nicely, jump in the shower for a quick rinse. Make sure the water is hot, or at least warm. The heat will loosen up the skin of your scrotum and the moisture will make it pliable.
Men's Health UK recommends splashing cold water on your balls as "this will tighten the skin making the surface of your sack easier to shave with your razor".
I'm not sure how this has worked out for the Men's Health guys but when my stiffens up, the skin on it becomes more rigid and wrinkly. Instead of getting a flat surface, I get the opposite - a wrinkly surface, which makes it very easy for me to cut myself.
In my experience, a sack with looser moist skin is much more conducive to shaving.
2. Lather Up
Treat your balls just like your face. The hair on your balls is probably not as thick as the hair on your face. Yet, put on a pre-shave oil (some of the best ones are here) and a liberal amount of shaving cream.
Unlike shaving your face, you don't have to lather up your shaving cream. It's enough to scoop some up from the jar and massage it into your balls. If you are also going to shave your lower abdomen (the area right above your penis), feel free to add more lather as the hair growth in that region is thicker than on your balls.
3. Put a Blade to Them
Alright, enough pussying around, stiffen up your upper lip, take a swig of whiskey to steady your hand and let's get to it.
With one hand hold your penis and scrotum and pull it to the side. You want to form a flat surface over which you can glide the razor. Without putting any pressure glide the razor making short strokes.
Pull your scrotum to the other side to form a flat surface and go for another pass. Continue shaving in this manner until you've got all the hair on your sack and the shaft of your penis.
To prevent any cuts, it is crucial to glide the razor only over flat surface. The tricky part of shaving your balls is forming such flat surfaces by pulling your scrotum in different directions and getting all the hair.
4. Soothe The Burn
If you've done a good job probably there is no burn to soothe, however, it is still a good idea to put on some aftershave and a moisturizer. Massage it liberally into your groin.
If you get any cuts, you can put some alum block on them or treat them with your aftershave balm.
Now that you've got smoothly shaved balls you may wonder what to do next. I usually put my underwear on and go take on the world. You can do the same or if you are more traditional, you can put some baby powder to prevent sweating. Powdering my balls is not my thing but I've heard some guys do it to prevent sweating and bad odour.
When you are done shaving your balls you may notice that you still have some hair left in the area between your sack and your anus. It's usually hard to contort yourself in a comfortable way to shave that part, so you may leave it alone. If you shave that part you may open yourself up to a big itch problem once the hair starts growing out. Unlike your scrotum, the area in between your thies is subject to a lot more rubbing and thus it is much more prone to sweating and itching.
If after reading this you are still squeamish about putting a blade to your balls, don't worry - there is another way to look clean and fresh, which doesn't involve razors. Girls call it Brazilian wax and men can do it too. Many salons that do Brazilian wax can do the same procedure to men, stripping clean of any hair even the area between your thies and your butt cheeks.
Is waxing your groin a bit excessive? No, if you work in the porn industry. Otherwise, you probably don't need to go that far.
What's your experience with shaving your junk? How do you go about it? Share it in the comments below.